“Stand Out of My Light”

The King, the Dog, and the Most Famous Encounter in History.

One day, at his esteemed Academy, Plato was asked to define a “person.”

“A featherless biped,” Plato answered, after some thought. The students applauded the definition.

One person in attendance did not agree with this definition, however. Angry and holding up a plucked chicken, he proclaimed, “here is Plato’s man.” (Later, Plato added “with flat nails” to his definition of a person.)

The interjector with the plucked chicken was Diogenes of Sinope.

Exiled for debasing the currency and sold into slavery by pirates, Diogenes eventually settled in Corinth.

While there, the unruly philosopher scorned norms and criticized convention. He urinated, defecated, and masturbated in public.

Diogenes lived in a wooden barrel, and his only possession was a wooden bowl to drink from. One day, after seeing a peasant boy drinking water with his hands, Diogenes discarded his wooden bowl. “Fool that I am, to have been carrying superfluous baggage all this time,” he muttered to himself.

But perhaps most famously, Diogenes was known for carrying a lantern around in the bright light of day, seeking to find an honest man. He never did.